「pride ② ⓪ ① ⑦ | journal entry #3」
- Enosha
- Jun 27, 2017
- 3 min read
"The time has come, I think, when we must recognize bisexuality as a normal form of human behavior... we shall not really succeed in discarding the straitjacket of our cultural beliefs about sexual choice if we fail to come to terms with the well-documented, normal human capacity to love members of both sexes." - Margaret Mead
I AM BISEXUAL.
The words I have been wanting to say out loud has now entered the void that is the internet. To my friends and on various blogs on tumblr and instagram posts, I am open about my sexual orientation; for a while, I even ran a lgbtq+ account on both websites. But at this moment, I am home scrolling pass pride posts and wishing I had the freedom and support from my family to attend a pride parade.
I'm not exactly out to my mom yet (though she does know I am an ally, and she hates it) for one sole reason: she's very religious and threatened that if she suspected me off being "an abomination" she'll disown me. So for safety purposes, I am very quiet in public about my identity. Alas, another reason why I decided to create a blog; I can myself.
I should admit I was quite homophobic before accepting my sexuality. I wasn't one to cry "death to homos!" or whatever, but I did tend to be especially nervous around girls who I assumed to be lesbian {cue flashback to this one incident in 7th grade} I had a close friend who I thought was into girls (still not sure if she actually was) because of her 'boyish" behavior and habit of being very touchy. I was fine with her for a while, but then figured she was probably lesbian and I began to stay away from her due to discomfort. I even came close to telling my mom about the situation, but decided not to. (I didn't want the girl to get in trouble)
Raised in an extremely homophobic christian household, I never really stopped to question why my actions were wrong. Around that time, I hadn't formed my own opinions about what was "wrong" and "right". That all changed near the beginning of sophomore year. In high school, I was surrounded by people who were so much more accepting and loving than my family at home. I came friends with supporters and people inside the lgbtq+ community. It was also about the time puberty hit me hard, and eventually I had developed actual crushes on both girls and boys alike.
I can specifically remembering a thought I had regarding my attraction to guys and girls: surely, everyone feels this way. I figured it was pretty normal, and that everyone has imagined themselves with an opposite gender at least once. But then it happened more than once. And eventually I found myself thinking more often about girls. At this point, I was so confused. Somehow, I found my way to Tumblr and was educated about bisexuality.
It took a while before I got used to that label; I struggled with the possibility of being straight or lesbian, because I was dating a boy, yet I found girls to often be more attractive. However, I came to terms that gender attraction in bisexuality isn't something that can be set in boundaries mathematically, but fluctuates, and I'm OK with that. Eventually I happier because I finally found an explanation for the unique feelings I was having. Now, I'm proud to say I am an avid lgbtq+ activist and bisexual.
As of right now, aside from awareness and acceptance of lgbtq+ members in society, I have a smaller wish. Because of my 18th birthday upcoming this year, I hope to be able to attend a pride parade in 2018. I just want to surrounded by love, acceptance, and faith in humanity.
Comments